Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
