trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
