My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
