He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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