He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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