y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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