DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
