A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
