someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You dont lie about slip and slides
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
