I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
