just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
