She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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