Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize