the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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