I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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