Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
