Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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