Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
