I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
