She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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