I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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