I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
