did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize