WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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