he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
