Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
