I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
