there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
