I'm eating all of the evidence.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
