Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
