I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
