I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
