Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
