just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
