I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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