ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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