Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Pooping to opera.
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