Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
