She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
operation have a gay friend backfired
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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