Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have fence marks all over my body
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
