Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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