Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize