dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
In other news, I just burned my penis
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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