I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
