Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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