Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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