no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
