I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize