i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
