I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
