Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
