My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
