just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
