I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
