i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
