Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
