kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
