don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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