dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
