he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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