Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
