he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Houston, we have a blender
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
