New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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