i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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