I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
