I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
