This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
