alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
