During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
