i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
