gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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