Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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