I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh god it's open bar.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
