I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
