i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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