the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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