I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize