I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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