Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
