So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
