omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize