I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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