She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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