We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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