Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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