Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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