I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
