I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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