So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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