I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
