Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize