half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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