I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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