I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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