the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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