Pregnant stripper...not hot.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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